Western Governor’s University Doesn’t Want to Let Me In and Other Tales of Social Justice Gone Terribly Awry

So, Bruce Jenner is trying to become a girl and everybody is losing their minds. I, frankly, don’t give a flying damn. If he feels compelled to mutilate the perfectly healthy body he’s got, he can go right ahead and do whatever. I don’t care. Like actually. I. Don’t. Care.

I don’t feel moved by his plight. I’m not sympathetic to his hardships. I don’t think he deserves my pity. I am not in any way sympathetic. Hell, I wish I could be a fucking millionaire with a gender identity crisis too. That gig is probably a lot sweeter than cleaning baby poo off my clothes, am I right?

See, I figure that whatever people want/need to do in their lives is totally none of my business. While I think whoever did the photo editing on his Vogue cover did a fantastic job, I don’t want to see Bruce Jenner’s new boobs. I don’t. If he was mutiliating his children or advocating for NAMBLA, I’d give a shit in the most negative of ways. But he isn’t. So I don’t care. I just don’t want to pay for it.

And that there is the fucking crux of the matter. Everybody these days thinks they should have the right to get everybody else to pay for their actions. I’m forced to fund abortions and sex changes and lazy mother fuckers who just don’t want to get a job every day with my taxes. That’s my money, mother fucker, why the fuck am I selfish for not wanting to spend it on any of you? That’s right. I’m not. No matter how many Social Justice Warriors scream for equality and peace through redistribution of wealth, if you take my shit without my permission, you’re a thief, unless you work for the government.

When I was a young woman I thought that the guys bitching about equal treatment for women and homosexuals were trying to correct real valid problems in this country. I thought that every man, woman and child who lives here deserves a fair shot at making the life for themselves that would bring them the most happiness so long as they weren’t blenderizing puppies or something. I hung out with a bunch of people who seemed to feel the same way. We all got along great; we smoked pot together, got drunk together, bitched about Bush getting elected via hanging chads together; then 9/11 happened and suddenly all my friends wanted free shit and I was left by myself saying, “but.. but… what about equality of chance and not results?”

So long as mother fuckers aren’t hurting other mother fuckers, every other mother fucker should leave them the fuck alone. This is the Non-Aggression Principle in a nutshell. Lots of neck-beared weirdos ranting in political forums talk about this further so I’ll spare y’all, but the general idea is something I totally can get behind.

Bruce Jenner is totally not being aggressive to anyone else: leave him alone.

Grandmothers in airports are not being aggressive: leave them alone.

Gun loving bible thumpers who want to live in place like Ruby Ridge and Waco are non-aggressive: leave them the fuck alone.

Little preborn babies who didn’t ask to get made by their Mommas aren’t hurting anybody: seriously. Leave the babies alone.

If everybody just could get behind leaving everybody else the fuck alone, we’d have world peace. Boom! Peace! Awesome! Everybody gets to get drunk now.

But no. No. The world is full of dickfaces CONVINCED through nothing more than their own mediocre brains that everyone else in the world needs to be told what to do, and that’s why we have misery, and ISIS, and genital mutilation, and starving Africans, and state mandated murder of babies in China, and all other sorts of injustices like tax dollar funded sex changes, and Rick Santorum (seriously Rick, give it up already, mmkay?)

So, fuck you, busy bodies. Fuck you and your fucking interest in other peoples’ fucking lives. It’s because of you that Bruce Jenner has a magazine cover and I can’t get lasik for free, you bastards.


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