I got rejected by a Narcissist and I fucking liked it.

I recently got back in touch with a guy I knew twelve years ago and I thought it was one of those “rediscovering an old friend” deals, but it wasn’t. In a big long drawn out conversation full of magical thinking and egotistical posturing, I called him on his bullshit and, in a predictably narcissistic fashion, he stop talking to me. I totally didn’t see that coming down the pipe like two weeks ago, I swear.

Anyway, the experience was actually quite life affirming for me. My father is an undiagnosed malignant narcissist, and my childhood was about as shitty as one could expect. My sister went through Hell as well, but in a totally different way. While she was rejected entirely, I was our father’s “favorite”, and I was groomed to be an insufferable spoiled asshole who constantly lived in terror of not being good enough for anything. I was going to be one who would eventually take over as financial and emotional host for him to parasite off of once he used up my mom. This, thankfully, didn’t work out, and I eventually started recovering from the trauma of being alive around this guy.

Over time, with the help of lots of books, my husband, God, and my handy dandy Zoloft prescription, I am now a recognizable survivor of a narcissistic parent rather than being confused as one myself. To regular people, this might not mean much, but I hope the psych majors among you can appreciate the distinction.

This recent reconnection was the first time where I was around a narcissistic personality and I did not behave like the perfectly groomed narcissistic supply I was raised to be. In fact, I was so good at being my authentic self that I was rejected entirely. To someone with my background, this is better than Christmas.

Knowing that I now can repel narcissistic personalities like a normal well-adjusted person brings me feelings so warm and fuzzy I fail to describe them. It’s like Dethklok gave me the banana sticker factory they bought and now I have all the banana stickers. It’s that kind of feels.

Like most folks, I like narcissistic people; by their very nature they are perceptive, intelligent, entertaining, charming, and sociable. But now I can have that bigass wall of bullet-proof glass between me and them that is needed for maintaining my mental health, the way the healthier among us have. For me, that means I’ll now be able to have the uncomplicated social interactions that are possible if you happen to find yourself in the same room as a narcissist, so politics, rock concerts, and church functions should no longer be a problem for me. Yay!

In closing I’d like to say thank you and I’m sorry to the narcissist in question. Thank you for being you. Your reappearance in my life was inadvertently a test that I have passed with flying colors. Thank you so much.

I am sorry if you felt like I was attacking you when I didn’t respond properly to your shaming tactics. I know that it must have flustered you when you bullied me in those little demeaning ways you bully everyone and I didn’t deflate like you expected. I know that you’ve had a lot of experience imposing on people your worldview and getting praise for it, and not having that happen with me must have been very distressing.

And when I called you out as a narcissist? I know that more than anything is what motivated to get on your soap box and lecture me about being disrespectful and abusive to you, because you just can’t–CAN’T–allow controlling and negative people like me in your life anymore. I’m sure that speech really took a lot out of you, so much so that you probably even bought it yourself, for a minute.

I’m so terribly sorry that you didn’t have witnesses to it to praise you for your application of “self-care”, but I’m sure when you mention this to people later and make me out as some unnamed “bad person”, you’ll get all the sympathy and affirmation you could ask for. You’re welcome.

So very, very welcome.

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